An excess of fat.

If you read news stories online or in papers, you will see pretty much every week there will be a story about obesity - probably a warning of 'YOU WILL DIE TOMORROW' or something similiar due to being overweight... (usually this is the Daily Mail - I blame that paper on my Nan's high blood pressure and her over-active imagination). Anyway, I read these stories with the mandatory picture of nameless tubby's tummy/hips, which are bulging with evidence of Big Macs and chocolate Hobnobs.

But really, on a serious note, if you take a look in the street, if your driving a car and you look at the people walking on the paths, I am going to say that pretty much 2/3 people are overweight. I am being relatively harsh with my Fat-ometer, but hey, don't hate me, just don't eat so much.

I get it fat people. I totally get it. When I think about pick and mix, I pretty much salivate like a dog and run to the nearest pick and mix outlet. I also get the big portions thing. I think I was cursed as a child to be able to eat huge plates of dinner, and my 'I'm full' messages get lost somewhere between my stomach and brain (probably swept down in a waterfall style by more incoming food). If I didn't have people around me to give me those dirty looks of "Are you still going?", I would probably eat my plate of food, and everyone elses left overs.

However, I don't let myself get to 50st, post pictures of myself on the internet eating food, and charge people $20 to look at my fatty website. Sorry? What the....

Courtesy of the Daily Mail (don't judge me) -

I chose to keep this picture 'Extra-large' because I'm a joker.

In her quest to become the world's fattest woman, Donna Simpson is already profiting from her challenge - by earning $90,000 (£55,000) a year from fans who pay to watch her eat online.

The American mother-of-two, who already holds the dubious honour of being the world's fattest woman to give birth, makes money from people hungry to watch her eat more than 15,000 calories a day.

Where do we find these people! If this wasn't enough, Donna (Kebab) is trying to reach her target of 72st to become World's Fattest Woman.

I can think of titles I would rather hold. Like running a 100m world record. Or having the longest milk squirt with my eye. Something worthwhile.

Last Christmas, she devoured two 25lb turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 15lbs of potatoes (10lbs roast, 5lbs mashed), five loaves of bread, five pounds of herb stuffing, four pints of gravy, four pints of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 20lbs of vegetables.


Bloody hell. This year, I will consciously have one more Quality Street at Christmas, and comfort myself with 'At least I didn't eat 2 glazed hams.' To be fair, after reading all of that, I just thought to myself 'Why did you even bother with veg?'


To end on a serious note, and to prevent people becoming inspired by ole Donna, I think this woman is very selfish on her poor daughter who caters to her needs. She will probably see her Mum die a premature death due to her ridiculous way of life. I mean, this woman earns £55,000 a year from pictures of her eating! Who are these fat-fetish people encouraging this? You should all be ashamed!

Humans are such odd creatures.



That does not surprise me.

Finally, as much as I disapprove of his weight, I think his parents are comedy geniuses.

90's kids.

It is weird being home in the daytime. I don't mean at a weekend. I mean on a weekday. Does anyone else feel incredibly naughty? I think I've still got the mindset that I'm at school and sneaking a day off. I do remember they used to have better stuff on TV when I was ill and off school. For starters, everyone must remember the programme that I forget the name of - you know! - the one with the magic pencil and traced the alphabet so you could learn how to write letters. 'Cuuuurrvvvveeee, and FLICK!' (i remember the flicks)
And that programme that had the spanish mouse who was a bit of a gangster, and swang everywhere on a rope. What was his name?!

I feel sorry for the children of today who do not have Sky, Virgin etc, and have at these to entertain themselves.

BBC 1 - Britains Bravest Cops    ..not that suitable but I suppose it teaches them early
BBC 2 - Guess With Jess        ..looks like an LSD inspired spin off with Postman Pat's cat
ITV - Lorraine                        ..Target range probably 30 years older than kiddies
Channel 4 - Friends               ..maybe slightly out of the kids range
Channel 5 - Who cares, no one watches this channel anyway.

It just doesn't have quite the same ... educational feel. You would sit in your duvet, wanting more Calpol because it tastes nice, and watch hours of educational kids programmes. You can't blame the tiny rogues of society today - they have The Jeremy Kyle Show to keep them entertained for the morning (totally unsuitable - but has the potential  entertainment if one of their favourite phrases was "Why didn't you put something on the end of it?")

It led me to remember the shows I used to adore when I was a younger, cuter version of myself.

Alvin and the Chipmunks   
The Moomins
Goosebumps - if I made it through the opening sequence without crying at the dog with red eyes
Raggy Dolls - MASSIVE FAN
Power Rangers - I still get teased about running into my mum and dad in the morning and shouting histerically 'The Power Rangers were in my dream last night, and they were CHASING ME'
Zzzap - Oh wow. This was probably my favourite ever.
Kenan and Kel
Rosie and Jim
Postman Pat
Come Outside - Oh wow. Aunty Mable. Pippin. I LOVED THAT SHOW!!!
Fireman Sam
Noddy
Smurfs
Tots TV
Y'von of the Yukon - what a legendary Intro song
Barney
Brum! What a badman sneaking out all of the time.
Top Cat
Art Attack - this guy was incredible!
Chucklevision - oh dear......oh dear oh dear
RugRats - I even have the PS1 games
Wacky Racers

Bodger and Badger - MASHED POTATO

Just watching this makes me feel ultra happy and makes me miss being a child. I've watched about 4 episodes of Zzzap now on Youtube and should definitely make a reappearance.

Adverts.

When you watch TV, you watch programmes.
Well, if you are watching the BBC.
If you are watching other channels, you see adverts. And a few programmes.


I sound like I'm moaning. I love some adverts. They might make me laugh, make me cry - their intended purpose to evoke emotion is fulfilled. Funny adverts really make me want to buy the product. As a stubborn character, if I hate the advert, I will never ever buy/visit website of said product.

'Good call'

I like beer. I like Fosters because it is a relatively cheap beer. I also hope that drinking it will make me as funny as 'Dan and Brad'. They answer calls from English guys struggling with something. Dan and Brad then impart their wisdom, and all is well in the world.
'Bonjourno Deano'

Come and play.

I like this advert too. This one is from Comet, and over the last couple of months they have manipulated their stock to make it seem super cool - as seen in the picture they created shit loads of smoothies. Over Christmas they hung various electronic items around a christmas tree and turned the lights off - and the iPods and phones and mp3 players lit up the tree a treat! The adverts didn't make me want to go to Comet however, just wanted to make smoothies and find a cat who could surf.

 

Go compare.

I hate this fat man. I mute the channel when he comes on. He may have made GoCompare a more frequently visited site due to it being more in the public eye, but personally if I saw this guy on the street, I would kick him in the face. That is all.

 

'Simples'

Another comparison website, but with a much cuter, less overweight character. Aleksandr Orlov made the nation fall in love with his outrage of comparethemarket.com, and his catchphrase 'Simples'. Many have said he has expanded too far into visiting his home town of 'Merkovo' and visiting the child-meerkats (whatever they are) at school. I still find it hilarious however, and am happy for him to carry on being on my screen, basically talking crap about a fictional town of meerkats.

Lynx parody.

Specsavers delivered this beauty (literally) I think last year some time. The girls run towards him in bikinis, he puts glasses on, they walk away due to the hideousness of glasses. It was a hilarious advert, but I wasn't such a fan when it was full screen in the cinema, and my boyfriend was watching intently.

You also get those adverts that have catchy slogans.

'Washing machines live longer with CAL-GON' - I would say after all these years I'm note perfect singing that now. (Caps at the end are for my emphasis when singing)

'Once you pop, you can't stop' - I agree Pringles, they are too addictive.

'I'm lovin' it' - Ba da ba ba baaaaa, even Justin Timberlake got in on this one.

'Subway, eat fresh' - HEY BREAD GUY!

(you know, off the top of your head, adverts are hard to remember!)

Well anyway, you get this jist. Comment if you have any more that I have crucially missed out! Just going to leave you with a cool advert, was on years ago and some animal rights activists weren't too impressed, but I thought it was a truly great ad.

The Advertising Agency are on my back.

One sitting in the family album.

Considering my blog is titled 'A little insight into the mind of a ginger girl', you as the reader probably should have seen a blog about being ginger somewhere. Actually no, none of them have. I shall probably be prosecuted for false advertising.

So I will start. Almost a year late, but better late than never!

1. Ginger twat. Oh.... sorry Vicky.
You could be anywhere, out drinking in town, walking down the street, drinking in the park. A ginger knobhead comes out of no where and offends you in some way.
'Fucking ginger twat.'
Then comes the abashed look and 'Sorry Vicky'. Infact, I can cope with the word ginger being used around me as a derogatory term.
I'm not four years old.
After the years having it used against me, I'm quite immune. Curse all you like at ugly ginger people, I honestly do it all of the time.

2. Oh don't say that, those gingers have fiery tempers.
I don't think this is scientifically proven. I shall now check on Google just to back myself up.

Oh lord. I would recommend typing 'do ginger people get angry easier' into Google, and looking at some of the internet pages. Couple of things that made me laugh...

Apparently "gingers" are really funny people!

IF a brunette or blonde gets angry it's okay, but if a redhead gets angry then it's because of their 'redhead temper'...baloney!...

                                                                          (It was just the baloney part)

I am half ginger            (DENIAL! There is no halfway house -                                                                 you are either ginger or not)

Thought I would include this because he looks like a knob.

I couldn't find any evidence that was conclusive. Although one person thought it was because gingers are picked on from such an early age, they act differently as they are singled out as different.

From my experience at primary school, I don't recall being ginger ever being an issue - it was my last name that caused me the most problems (Payne)!
I genuinely used to cry at being called a 'pain' by the other kids, what a loser!!





3. Get out of the sun Vicky, your ginger skin will burn!
They're right. I will burn, BUT ONLY IF I forget to use sun lotion (very often). Otherwise, I do tan. I won't be mistaken as a local if I go to an African country, but I tan enough for it to be noticeable. And that will do me.

4. Are you Scottish/Irish?
No! No I am not!

Some Ginger-tastic facts.

• Approximately 1% to 2% of the human population has red hair.
• Scotland has the highest proportion of redheads; 13 per cent of the population has red hair and approximately 40 per cent carries the recessive redhead gene.
• Red hair is the rarest natural hair color in humans.
• Researchers have found that people with red hair require greater amounts of anesthetic.
• Red hair was thought to be a mark of a beastly sexual desire and moral degeneration.
• A UK woman recently won an award from a tribunal after being sexually harassed and receiving abuse because of her red hair.
• A family in Newcastle upon Tyne was forced to move twice after being targeted for abuse and hate crime on the account of their red hair.
• British singer Mick Hucknall, who believes he has repeatedly faced prejudice or been described as ugly on account of his hair colour, argues Gingerism should be described as some form of racism.
• In December 2009 British supermarket chain Tesco was forced to withdraw a Christmas card which had the image of a child with red hair sitting on the lap of Santa Claus, and the words: "Santa loves all kids. Even the ginger ones" after customers complained the card was too offensive.

To be honest, I would have bought that Christmas card for everyone for laughs. People need to lighten up these days.

"Council unprepared for zombies"

While surfing BBC News, my second favourite news website (HeatWorld in 1st), I came across a truly brilliant story.

"A worried member of the public has forced Leicester City Council to admit it is unprepared for a zombie invasion."

This story is the most popular shared story of the moment. It is probably because of ignorant people posting this in emails and suchlike laughing to their friends about this clear nutbag. I, however, totally agree with this guy! I've watched pretty much every zombie movie around (28 days later, 28 weeks later, Zombieland to name a few) , I'm not going to lie I have often wondered where I will bunk up to avoid the zombies. (In the drawers under my bed with my cats to keep me company)

My biggest fear of dying is through some sort of apocolyptic nightmare, whether it be zombies or aliens or just simply an earthquake or tsunami (last one is unlikely in Northampton). Just basically something you cannot run away from. So I think really this guy has a valid point.

Anyway, the story was rounded up by the creator of zombie website Terror4Fun Ed Thurlow, who said,

"I think perhaps [the "Concerned Citizen"] has watched films like 28 Days Later a few too many times."

Is this guy serious? He spends his time running a zombie website. What an absolute knob.

Well it makes me laugh.

I'm an avid watcher of programmes that basically make people look like dicks... Jeremy Kyle, Embarrassing Bodies, Bizarre ER, you name it, I'll watch it.


Bit of an odd picture.



So when I saw Diagnosis Live from the Clinic was on, it was a recipe for viewing success! I know a common quote has been 'if you're so embarrassed, what the hell are you doing showing the nation on TV'! Which I agree on to an extent - but obviously with Embarrassing Bodies they get any surgery or procedures paid for. But this Diagnosis Live from the Clinic just features random people exposing themselves on webcam! Slightly odd to see men and women showing us willies and boobs when you turn on the TV, imagine innocent old grandparents casually flicking through the channels before bed and being confronted with genital warts.

Anyway, one of the women involved was casually discussing her fishy discharge to Dr Christian and Dr Dawn, and to the rest of the general public, and when the doctors mentioned going to visit a GP she shyed away! What! How does that make any sense?
Get some logic woman!
Even the doctors reassured her and told her not to be embarrassed about seeing her GP because they will have seen it all before. To be honest after watching the last couple of series of Embarrassing Bodies I've also seen it all before. I think I could be a trainee GP from the knowledge I've acquired.

Although on a serious note, after watching the dangers of skin cancer especially concerning moles, I'm booking a visit to the doctors tomorrow as I am COVERED! I'd also like to see if the weird coloured mole always referred to as 'Cancer Mole' is indeed a cancer mole. Removing them all shouldn't be too big an issue surely?

A round up of what is in my head.

It has probably been a bit too long since I last blogged. Much too long infact, as I did say in my first post this was the sole way I was going to keep my brain alive and well for University. Unfortunately, I currently feel like I didn't achieve any A Levels, and probably not even passes in my Year 9 SATS. However, here we are and let us try and improve my vocab and lexis before I enter University a mute loser who can only grunt and occasionally say Facebook.

A pink cat.



These cute little kittens were found in a concrete making factory. Apparently a red pigment caused their fur to turn pink - I don't know if this is cruel but I WANT A PINK CAT LIKE THIS ONE! Maybe we should breed cats in this way from now on, maybe we could create an Army of multi-coloured cats to scare other countries away.

 'See what we can do, we are medical geniuses.'



Fat tax on fat people



Fatties in Arizona who are claiming welfare benefits will now face paying a £50 fine if they do not follow a diet plan set by their GP. Personally I think it is a great idea - there are too many people taking the easy way out on life by claiming benefits by being overweight and if they aren't doing anything about it - THEN YOU PAY! It isn't fair on people who look after their health and weight and work hard.

Israeli parents name their child 'Like'

It is quite incredible what their parents call their children. I've read stories before about children called 'Walt Disney Christmas', and 'Ikea'. How odd. My mum also just told me when she was listening to the radio earlier, the parents of a newborn child let their other child pick the middle name - the poor baba is now stuck with 'Dinosaur' as a middle name thanks to the parents 'great idea'. I was thinking about names for future children today - it is pretty much a minefield as every bloody word in the English Language now has a sexual/rude/insulting connotation these days. I was even put off of 'Megan' or 'Meg' because I thought people would oh-so-cleverly nickname her 'Smegan' or something similar. Anyway, the father of 'Like' from Israel was really impressed  -

"When I posted her picture and name on Facebook I got 40 'likes'," he told the newspaper.
"Considering that I have only a little more than 100 friends on the network that's a lot."

Just genius.