Being a hater!

Facebook, BBC News, Heatworld and Blogger. In that order, those are the tabs I religiously open every time I go onto my laptop.

Scrolling down my Facebook news feed every 5 minutes (as you do when you are bored) I happen to notice some things that really piss me off.

1) 'Mittteee b ova to ma auntiez in da summa so i will cum dwn ta yah'
I know, if anyone goes far enough back to look at my Myspace they will probably see writing similar between me and my friends - looking back though what was the point! I'm not stupid, I did my English Language course which taught me 'THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WRONG ENGLISH' and everyone writes to express themself in a unique style. But instead of encouraging this shit, I am now a huge snob and sneer on these people.

2) .......... is having a duvet day ;)
It's not that I am jealous about them having a duvet day. It isn't that at all! What I have a problem with is the wink smiley at the end. Without that wink, all is clear. They are tired, possibly even ill and fancy laying under their duvet for the day. However, add the wink and everything is thrown into disarray!
What I interpret they could be saying.
......... is having a duvet day ;) - (I'm skiving off work as I am a lazy fart.)
......... is having a duvet day ;) - (Some sort of private joke between friends.)

......... is having a duvet day ;) - (Quite simply, come and join me - leading the random perverts to 'like' the post) 

There are quite a lot of occasions like this now though - sometime i rewrite texts because I feel the recipent will think I'm too harsh or have no time for them - does 'Yep I'm good thanks you?' just seems to me there should be a :) somewhere to show I really am happy, quite often I have had 'Are you sure?' text if I have missed the crucial IM HAPPY smiley face.

3) ............ likes 4 million useless shit pages.

WHY?! They just fill up my news feed with worthless pages. An example from a quick look -  Using highly technical words like 'Stuff' and 'Thingy' when explaining somthing

They even managed to spell something wrong. What retarded person created that group!

Enough ranting. But you all know you agree with me.

Journalism.

So, that's what I want to be, a 'journalist'. Upon devulging (don't know if i've just made that up but it sounds great) my ambitions for the future to a complete stranger (why I do not know), I was asked - 'Are you likely to get a proper job out of that?'. Encouraging, no? I was prepared however, and replied 'Well actually the employment rate for graduates on my course is 93% in the first 6 months, so yes, I believe I will get a proper job, asshole'. I didn't really add the 'asshole' bit but looking back I missed a golden opportunity.

Working at Next and trampolining wasn't preparing me for this tough career path, so in my wisdom I visited my local library to borrow some books to help me for my future. I didn't exactly find what I was looking for - no 'How to be a Journalist' or 'Journalism for dummies' books. I found 'Ebay for dummies' though, it must have been 300 pages long! What could be worth 300 pages? Anyway, I had to settle for a book detailing an ex-politics journalist's dig on the English Language. I also managed to find Alan Carr's autobiography, but that is beside the point and I have told myself I can't read that filth until I finish this 'intellectual' book. Over half way through, I am
1) Seeing instead of reading and pretending to myself I did just read that last paragraph. I know for a fact everyone has done this when given something to read and simply, they can't be bothered.
2) Finding out so much that my English Language course did not teach me. Well, that is my assumption. The author includes quotes from other's writing and basically rips the shit out of them with a single sentence eg 'The howler to end all howlers'. There's me reading it back thinking, 'What howler?' 

A couple of people I know want to be journalists. I don't feel pressured by this at all! I just check out every single thing they do to and compare it to my own work. 
Clearly, I'm playing it cool.
The truth is, we are all as good as each other. Bad. Simply, we all have a long long way to go! All I know is that I'm going to work my ass off so I get somewhere. And be better than them, obviously.

I can't wait to go to Uni so I can put my boring year past me and get my life back on track!! Hell yes.

C'est magnifique!

Having a great week!

And really it is going to carry on for a while (I hope). I went ice skating today with friends from trampolining - if you think we were any good at it because of having a 'great sense of awareness and balance', you would be very mistaken. To be fair, one of my friends was good, and tried and failed to teach me how to stop on the ice. I couldn't quite master it, and kept falling flat on my ass or spinning round and round and losing my balance, then falling over. Also a lovely old man tried to teach me to go backwards to no avail. I think I was pushing the boat out too far seeing as I'm pretty crap at going forwards when I can see where I am going! I watch all of these people on Dancing on Ice who are terrible and tripping up and wobbling all over the place, and laugh at their evident lack of talent. Upsettingly I now realise I fit into that category with the oldies trying for another shot of fame or the uncoordinated Bambi's on ice. Oh well, I had to stop skating prematurely as I thought my hands had been cut off from warmth so long they would be ready for amputation.

The next couple of days I'm spending time with my friends, having a pyjama party and hopefully going into town! Haven't had a pyjama party since I was about 6 - actually I don't think I did even then because of being a bit of a loner in my childhood days. Looking forward to it anyway!

Then, Britains Got Talent on Sunday! I looked at the bottom of my free tickets though and found in the small print (in bold?), 'TICKETS DO NOT GUARANTEE ENTRY, PLEASE BE THERE EARLY TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT'. I hope there aren't 1000 keenos camping outside preventing me from getting in, hopefully an early train will do.

If all goes to plan, I can watch deluded citizens of Britain presenting me with dogs who 'play guitars' or family choirs singing 'A whole new world'.
Or this. (Still my favourite act out of every series)

Cannot wait!

Webcam.

Thinking about making a Skype account. I think it will be really useful for when I go to university, as i'll be able to talk to friends and family pretty much face-to-face! Loads of my friends are always posting on facebook about 'skyping' each other, and I feel like i'm missing out slightly! I think it is much more personal than talking on the phone, and a really great tool for staying in touch!

While I was thinking about this, I remembered I had a webcam on my laptop. I also remembered it came with a programme which allowed you to take pictures of yourself with different animations and stupid gimmicks that basically made you look like a bit of a twat. Honestly, I scrolled through the 90 or so pictures laughing at myself from about 2 years ago taking photos of myself with bubbles flying around me or in a negative version. I then proceeded to take more of myself - it was too addictive and before I knew it I had made another 15 pictures of myself, again looking like a twat. Just to show you how stupid I looked, I'll include some (past and present).

It isn't good either when you are wearing the same dressing gown in many of the pictures,which span those 2 years. Never mind, it has kept me very amused and as you could see by one of the pictures, my cat found it just as hilarious as I did. Poor thing. As I have remembered that I have this webcam programme now, i'm pretty sure that many of these pictures are going to keep on coming.

In response to my previous post, I have found the draft of 'Technology' stored away!

Wow, for the first time I am writing my blog on my iPhone! Not only does it correct my grammar and punctuation, it also predicts what word I will say therefore not having to write all of the letters! It is a wondrous experience I am sharing, I even like the font it comes up in! How sad.


One thing that does annoy me about my iPhone is when it changes a correct word to something it thinks I meant - she can't possibly have meant to put shit, she definitely meant to put shot, and that's what I will change it to, the foul mouthed scum. While it is helpful when a word such as incredible comes out as increaoblr and it knows where you're getting at, it does prove rather wearing when you feel a text or email had gone surprisingly well, then read it back and realise it looks like a text you send someone after one too many! Writing this on my iPhone will have probably cost me a needless 20 minutes more to write, but it is still a new gadget I want to use for everything and anything. Even now as I am writing, I'm cursing at the stupid tiny touch keys and the fact the backspace button has been used more than all of the letters put together. Maybe a qwerty keyboard would have been more suitable to a clumsy loser with minimal hand eye coordination!


Even now, I have started to write the penultimate paragraph, maybe something quirky, something cool to share - the bloody phone isn't letting me see what I have written, instead scrolling up to the start of my blog as I am typing away at the bottom. Argh!!! I sound like a grumpy old man, but I have good reason too! I have corrected the errors so far, but I will write a sentence that could show how much I have to look at my phone now when writing to send a text. Gone are the days of texting under the table to avoid the teachers glaring eyes (and I have to admit I was pretty impressive at that). Here goes.


today I decided Togo to the shops to guy some cheap choc from good old home bargains. While bropwsing the aisles with some of the weirdest people o have ever seen, I spotted many a bargain I devides to take advantage of. Unfortunaly, I managed to count out the money I was paying with wrong, and didn't manage to calculate 96p correctly. Quote embarrassing, and I could tell the women serving me knew I was a girl who looks intelligent, bit is actually an absolute retard.

Impressive work.

Could go crazy right now!

Just wrote out a whole blog detailing how annoying technology is sometimes, and decided to write this cleverly on my iPhone as this was the inspiration of my blog. Unfortunately, I managed to come out of the blog after finishing it as I accidentally on my stupid touch screen phone pressed the wrong button. Funnily enough, I also detailed how annoying the phone was when it predicts what you want to say, so no I didn't want to write 'shot phone' I wanted to write 'shit you asshole of a phone'! As you can tell, what turned out as a simply dig at technology in the first blog has now turned into a hate campaign against stupid phones and the fact they can only do half of the job (on my laptop it saves my blogs periodically, (get it sorted apple!!)

I don't have time to write the blog again, so I thought I would write something. What happened to writing letters and telegrams and simply going to visit someone when you had something to say.

Fucking technology.

Random.

Looking for a slight bit of inspiration, I found myself browsing other blogs. Unfortunately, I also found myself hooked on reading until the end of the blog and finding them incredibly interesting. Thinking of mine, someone said they had read and liked a post of mine. I stood there feeling rather impressed with myself, until I could not remember a single word of it, even when prompted with the subject. That really shows how interesting even I find it! Never mind, I'm sure I will find a knack to it.

If anyone wants a bit of rubbish Saturday night television, what better-a place to go than ITV for Take Me Out. I'm sure everyone who reads this will have watched the genious show. It features a male coming down from the 'love lift', and trying to impress a panel of 30 'lovely' ladies looking for a date. Now I'm not going to brand them all with the same iron, but there is definitely a reason why most of them are single. The guys are either ridiculously up themselves, or old and weird and clearly not going to get a date with 18-30 year old women. And the girls, well fair enough most are rather easy on the eye! But, with lines such as 'I like the fact your an accountant. If you take me out, we can do some addition, subtraction, and maybe some multiplication!' I find it difficult to wonder why they are single. For starters, I don't think that even makes sense. I thought that phrase ended with subtraction, and I think everyone in the studio agreed with me as there was a confused pause, and then a 'Woooooo' to maybe save her dignity. The way I saw it, she was looking to make babies and personally I don't think that's a turn on to a male stranger (to an extent).

Lastly, on a brighter note, I had a good day at work today! I thought that would never happen, but it has. And I get paid on the 21st.