Socially acceptable?

Twitter - Victoria Payne


Soooooo summer is on its way (ish) and the sun has already come out for its one and only week of the year (Got really burnt, got a small tan line, result!) and I have finished my first year at uni.


Sorry what?


First year has pretty much vanished into thin air and now I'm expected to grow up and do some work in second year. Hah! I didn't go to uni to work! Anyway, I will miss a lot about Freshers year, but here are a few memories of my first year in Leeds.


1. The words 'Where are we going tonight then?' said every night for the first 4 weeks of semester 1.


2. Living on a diet of pesto, pasta, cheese and pretzels for weeks on end.


3. You all end up speaking the same language with strange words (usually abbreviations) such as 'jel', 'po po' and after a while saying YOLO! and realising you genuinely meant it.


4. Realising that freshers year is nothing more than a doss and all those photos of you on nights out really hamper your case when you are trying to convince parents/ relatives you are working hard.



5. Being fraped at every possible moment - worst culprits/ victims: Bianca Chubb, Tori Burgess and Dan May. This will probably carry on though university though as we all still believe we are hilarious.

Thanks everyone.

And unfortunately I decided to get a job that means I have to be in Leeds while the kiddies are still at school and effectively I get school summer holidays off again. Bearing in mind universities function for about 3 months of the year, I am missing out on a lot of holiday! All my flat have gone home, I think even my whole block have gone home, and I find myself sitting in my flat watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy and wondering what to do with my life now.


I've also found myself puzzling over what is socially acceptable to do by yourself? I mean, some people don't get the concept of 'socially acceptable' and walk around doing what they please, but as I am quite conscious about doing something weird or wrong, I need to think carefully before engaging in any activities.


Here are some things I usually do with friends, and have now contemplated doing by myself.

Mocha for one!

Scenario 1 - Going for coffee by oneself


I think this could count as acceptable. Only if a book is taken to read or you have a iPhone or iPad. Otherwise I think I will just stare at random coffee-consumers and wonder if we could be friends, and scare them away.

Table for one? Yes I do have friends

Scenario 2 - Going for dinner by oneself


Aah. This is slightly more tricky and on the more embarrassing side. Nothing wrong with it, but I can just see the waiters thinking 'She has no friends' or 'She got stood up, HAH' so I think this is a no go area by myself. I will just have to order a takeaway.










Scenario 3 - Going to the cinema by oneself

Hiding from a scary film, alone

Again, acceptable, but there isn't anyone to hide behind if it's scary and potentially I will get upset when I see couples walk in holding hands. Bit lonely, but I am considering a
 cheeky trip to the cinema to stifle my boredom.

Seem to have forgotten my bowling shoes,
but more importantly my arms

Scenario 4 - Going bowling by oneself


NO, NO and NO. Just no. The only way this would be acceptable is if you were a professional and you weren't going for fun time, you were going there to train. And I can tell you already I am not a pro, and cheering at a strike by myself makes me feel very depressed.

Nothing to do apart from do puzzles, alone

Scenario 5 - Going to hang out in James Baillie common room by oneself


I didn't go in that place when everyone was here, let alone by myself. However there is a book shelf (with books on it), a TV, a piano and a snooker table. Maybe this can be my haven for the next few weeks.

Scenario 6 - Going to Fruity by oneself

Who's up for a party!? Just me? Okay.

I'm not going to lie, it's tempting. A little tempting. The thought of having to get ready and pre-drink by myself is depressing, but I'm sure with enough drink the pain of being alone would be numbed substantially. I suppose I could spend my night hogging the bar and giving eyes at anyone with a willy so I could be bought a drink, but that isn't really my style. But how do you dance by yourself? Do you constantly do a bit of the grapevine and sidle around the dance floor so people don't realise you are by yourself? I think people would find out.

Looks like I am in for a lonely few weeks, so if anyone wants to send me fun messages and tweets then feel free. 


However, you never know, I might just make some friends.

"Easy white chocolate, I wouldn't want you to melt"

Easter time.

So that is Easter over and done with. It's a bit sad that most of us only celebrate it for the sudden influx of chocolate, and cry about the extra few pounds we put on, but not for the real reasons the Easter holiday was created for. But isn't that like most things in the world now, the real meaning for something important and special to some gets lost through inaccuracies and laziness and changed into a casual excuse for chocolate and alcohol. On that note, I will say I did eat chocolate and enjoy alcohol on Easter sunday, so I won't preach to anybody about what horrible little creatures we have all become. But I would recommend a white chocolate Lindt bunny to anyone who doesn't care about their figure.

I went to Ireland for a trampolining competition. That was fun, I went, I got drunk, I competed, and I managed to win it despite napping through my general warm up. I looked right at home there with the ginger hair, and no one asked me if I was Janet Devlin which was nice. Understandably, I fell deeper in love with the Irish accent, but I do have to say it is hard to understand from old grumpy bus drivers.

Pretty much sums up my trip sufficiently.

"How much is a day ticket?"

"Tuuurrrnnniighhhyyyy"

"Sorry, what?"

"Turrrnniighhhyyy"

"Hmm?"

Turns out it was £2.90, and chucking over a fiver like a confused foreigner did the trick.

Also if your looking for a hot Irish guy, just head over to Hollister in Belfast. I have never seen so many beautiful men in my life. 

I made my return to Leeds last night. As it happens, a hitchhiker (who happened to be very easy on the eyes) managed to get a return journey to Northampton with my parents, as I got on the coach to Leeds. How unlucky! My parents have never picked up a hitchhiker, this one happened to be hot and I wasn't even present for the journey. My mum was also too embarrassed to ask if he had a girlfriend, so I missed out there.

As always, the coach was packed which left me to sit with a nice Polish man for my 3 hour journey. We were minding our own business clearly a bit upset we had to share a seat next to each other, when he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the general direction of my ear and said 'Nice'. I had no idea what he was referring to, my hair, my ear? I then realised he meant my music, which clearly meant I was playing it too loud because he could hear it. I chose to ignore him. However, he then decided to tap me on the shoulder again 5 minutes later and ask for something by Thomas someone or other. He thought he could request a song for me to play so he could listen to it! I am not a DJ, I am a passenger and I do not take any requests! The cheek! I did then feel relatively uncomfortable when Get Low came on shuffle...
I also took a peek at my packed lunch kindly packed for me by my Dad who still thinks I'm 5 years old, and he thoughtfully decided to give me a yoghurt that was over a week out of date. Not only was he carting me off to Leeds on a coach, he was trying to poison me. Cheers Dad. All in all, a terrible journey.

I got a real taste of what I've been missing out in Leeds this morning though. I got a text from my flatmate Tori - "Dying" and I went to check her out and see how grim she looked. Surprisingly she was looking pretty good for someone who had thrown up all over her vintage jumper which was lying on the floor. The funniest bit was the fact she woke up and wondered who and why someone had poured cornflakes all over her jumper. Obviously it wasn't cornflakes, they were regurgitated lentils. Yum. I chose not to include a picture for everyones sake.

Winning at life.

And finally I got a shop from Sainsburys delivered to my door courtesy of my darling mother. My cupboards are now full and I am happy again. Items of note, pesto, Cathedral City, and pretzels. However shopping online does often cause you to buy things in strange sizes as weights don't mean anything to you when it isn't in your hands! Cue giant butter....

Prepare yourselves.......

I can't believe it's so big.

The picture doesn't even do it justice. It is industrial sized, 1kg, the sort of one you find at in a kitchen at a sandwich shop. Now the challenge is to eat it before it goes off. 

And finally, just because it made me feel better after some upset this Easter...

You are fabulous, and never let anyone ever make you feel any different.

Unless your a twat. Then you just aren't fabulous. 

Don't judge okay?

Terribly sorry to you all, many of you have reminded me I haven't blogged in a while. I know guys, and I'm very sorry for neglecting this area of creative literature... But I endeavour in future to be more dedicated to writing mindless nonsense more regularly.


On to today's topic. 


Things We Did As Children


Not everything will be applicable to all of you. Bearing in mind I have grown into this strange being, I'm sure much of this stemmed from my childhood and to be honest the more things you can tick off and think 'I SO DID THAT!' is probably a bad thing. I've already covered what we used to watch back in the 90s... But personally I think most of these were pretty common, apart from one at the end which to be honest is plain weird ...


(I will start relatively normal to not scare you all)

I know where you can stick that Neil...

1. Try and make things aired on Smart or Art Attack:
Did they not realise we were small, uncoordinated demons who found arts and crafts incredibly difficult? From what I remember, there always seemed to be papier mache involved, and the cardboard toilet roll things. This was always an inconvenience because obviously, you had to wait until people had used the tissue up first before you could start on your marvellous creation. Which always turned out shit anyway. Damn you Neil Buchanan.


2. Attended a birthday party at McDonalds:
But why did we ever do this? I know small child, lets go to that grimy fast food chain down the road and celebrate your birthday. Only now I realise how lazy parents were. However, I distinctly remember the birthday boy/ girl got to go to the ice cream machine and pull the lever and make their own ice cream. And they got to take 1 friend with them. Now this was always a tricky decision. Do you go for the safe option... a brother / sister or relative? Or do you single out one of your buddies and say 'YOU, you are the best of these people I gathered here today, I choose you!' Obviously what ever you did would cause tears from someone, but when you were that special, chosen one life could have not been better.


3. Top 5's:
If you didn't do this a youngster, you hadn't lived. Basically, you ordered you favourite 'crushes' from 1-5, and these changed from week to week when your top babe had said a nasty comment to you, or if they didn't chase after you in kiss chase, and went for your best mate instead. Always to be shared with friends.

Save some for me!

4. Eating pet food:
Now I do remember partaking in this activity; I followed my cat to its food bowl and copied his actions. I ate the smelly, jelly substance meant for my cat. And I know that others have also done this, so don't frown upon me dear reader.




5. Picking your nose:
Why did this ever seem appealing to us?! Bogies were usually green, slimey, and looked disgusting. It was probably the fact our parents always told us off for it, and that made us want to do it more. However if you were Bianca Chubb, you decided to multi-task and suck your thumb and pick your nose at the same time. Thats right, thumb in mouth, finger up nose. Classy girl.


6. The word 'IT':
I'll set the scene. Your in Year 2, and it is a group project of colouring in or something just as intellectually stimulating, and someone is being greedy with the crayon...
'Oiii, it's my turn to do it' 
'HAHAHA you want to do IT'.
I genuinely remember being in primary school and this being a huge issue among classmates; if the word 'it' was mentioned, it meant sex. What is sex? You didn't know back then. All you knew was that it was naughty and forbidden word, like 'idiot' and 'stupid' when you were 6 years old. 


7. Writing notes:
We thought we were so secretive passing those notes to each other. He he, the teacher will never know, she's old! But wait, she has seen, she is coming over... YOUR GOING TO READ IT OUT? NO!! It has my top 5 on it, and 5 of them are in here!!
Always traumatic.


And last, but definitely not least...


8. Pooing in weird places:
When your young, doing a poo isn't a big deal. Did we need a toilet to do a poo? No! Of course we didn't! Here are some real life examples...


Tori Burgess
Once I was with my Mum in a DIY store, and she managed to lose me. When she found me, I was trying squeeze one out in the display toilet.


Vicki Jefferson

Careful where you tread kids...

Once I was in WhizzKids at a party, and I was too scared to ask the man to go to the toilet with me. So I just did a poo in the ball pit. 
Me - What like, just pooed in the ball pit?
VJ - Nooo! I had those leggings on we used to wear! So yeah someone came over and asked if I had done a poo, and I said no, but I had, and they took my leggings right off, didn't even get the poo out, and bagged them up for my mum.


I remember once going on a waterslide, literally shitting myself, and emptying the poo out of costume into the landing pool. How horrific. I truly regret those actions now. 
I have also pooed in the bath, apparently numerous times, but I have been told that was relatively common amongst my friends when they were young.






Now, some of those may have been new to you. Or they might all be applicable to your childhood. But here's one thing I can safely say I didn't do, and I'm sure many of you didn't either...
Apart from the wondrous Vicki Jefferson:


Well when I was about 4 my brother was born, and I used to watch my Mum with him and I wanted to play Mummy. So I decided one day to try and breastfeed my brother. When I was trying to do it my Mum walked in and caught me and said 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!', and got really angry because he had already been fed, and he had started whinging because he thought he was going to be fed again. So my Mum had to feed him again and she wasn't happy with me.

One of those 'did I just hear you right?' moments.

Now that Vicki, is just something else.


If you think I've missed anything vital or you have anything to add, give me a comment. Don't be shy, there's nothing to hide any more, we're old enough to laugh about it now. And I want to know that I am not completely weird...

You learn a new thing every day...

A pretty well known phrase ladies and gentlemen, but does it ring true for you all? I suppose being at university I should learn a new thing every day, if not I should pack up my bags and make a quick exit home, before I can get into any more debt.


Well to test this theory, I decided to write down every day the new thing I had learnt. Incredibly, I refrained from following something like 'OMG facts' or '1 million facts' on Twitter, or every day it would be related to something about how intelligent monkeys are, or examples like this I just found '32 out of 50 spinal cord injuries are caused by trampolines'.... aaaah, comforting.


Anyway, here is a list of some things I learnt through January. Some days were incredibly boring and therefore I didn't bother including them, and some days I didn't learn anything, but hey, I'm not worried, my brain is too full of incredible facts and therefore more knowledge is unnecessary...


January
1st. A ciabatta roll filled with original Doritos work perfectly to line your stomach for a New Year's Eve drinking sesh. It was rather dry, but my meal cost less than a £1 so I wasn't complaining.


2nd. It seems KFC have decided it is a good idea to include the amount of calories in each meal next to it on the billboard thing. Never going there again unless I want to cry when eating fast food.


3rd. Your Nan's thoughtful present of an iCarly advent calender loses its excitement when you forget about it and eat it during the New Year.

Informing my mum of my impending
death due to 'trenchmouth'.

5th. That you have some serious fitness issues if you ache 2 days after doing a short session on the Wii Fit.


6th. I was told today by the dentist I had 'trenchmouth'. Effectively, I learnt I hadn't been eating properly and had gained an infection soldiers contracted in the war when living in trenches. Genuinely one of the most depressing days of my life....


7th. Today, I held the chair position against the wall for 7 minutes to beat 4 other people, 2 of which were aged 10 and under. Needless to say I didn't come first, and couldn't walk properly for the rest of the day. Lesson learnt - never be competitive.


9th. If you revise a lot, you may get in the shower with your bra on. Best to always check before you get in.


10th. University exams suck ass. 


12th. Just because WKDs were appealing when you were 15 doesn't mean they still will be at 20. Bleeuuugh.


13th. I engaged in my first hungover train journey today - and understandably I was confused and upset with the gentleman sat beside me as he decided to buy a bottle of red wine from the trolley lady, and proceed to drink it next to me. At 11am. Oh the fumes were HORRIFIC.


16th. Only just realising that Northampton is a truly boring place, and would be pure shite without my cat, my family and my friends. To be fair, I could deal with anything if my cat was around, as she is an absolute babe.


17th. I learnt today MI5 want me to become an Intelligence Officer and work for them. Careful kiddies, I will be ruling the country soon enough...

I'm currently a bit busy, but you can wait can't you?

18th. Today was the first day ever I think I told my mum to 'Fuck off'. It wasn't something I am proud of and have sure learnt my lesson.


19th. If you decide to take a casual change in hair colour to a darker, redder ginger, strangers will shout 'WE LOVE YOU JANET DEVLIN' at you in the street. Hmmmm...


21st. Took my mum out for dinner tonight (well she paid and I showed her the way) and she was taken in by the student lifestyle and had one too many glasses of wine. Silly Lisa, spritzers for you next time.


23rd. Your first day back to uni and you find out your politics seminar leader is called Neil Diamond. Day = made.


25th. It is Wednesday, and it has just turned 12pm. AND ITS THE WEEKEND FOR ME YAAAAAAAAAAH (best feeling EVER)


26th. Politics can be interesting.


27th. Politics is boring (I re-learnt this one after attempting some politics reading.).


29th. That one of the most awkward things in life is listening to your mum going through ex-boyfriends and current guy mates to see who you should go out with next. Seriously children, if this ever happens to you, you will know how painful it is.




And overall I have learnt this month to depend on myself for happiness and not anybody else :)

Also my fruit and veg pledge for my New Years Resolution is going extremely well as seen in photo. Though for dinner 2 days ago, I had a cheese and broccoli pasta ready meal, and added to it more broccoli, and more cheese. Personally I would say that I expanded my repertoire in cooking, and if anyone would like the recipe, I would be happy to write it down for you for a small fee. Let me know.

Can you put cheese on those?

Had to include this, obviously on the Daily Mail website...... literally giggled for about 10 minutes after reading this HA HA HA I'm still laughing now!!

HA HA HA why is this so funny?!?

Old Man Builds Hilariously Small Bus - #ukretirementscene

(my own headline).

And finally, my blog wouldn't be complete without a picture of my cat.

Cutest cat EVER.

Having a clear out.

Do you not think clearing out your stuff is the most therapeutic task in the world? Cleansing my room of the horrendous and frankly useless clothes and objects fills me with so much joy - it sounds weird that I merrily fling my possessions into the bin without a care in the world, but hey, its the way I roll.


The last time I cleared out my room I stayed up until 2am throwing out my stuff; I believe it was a productive evening, as I ended up with 2 bin bags full of stuff hauled out of my room. Result!


That clear out was exactly a week ago, and here I was this evening starting to throw stuff out again. You must be wondering how I manage to keep all this junk in my room, and wondering whether my room is actually a warehouse? Alas no, it is small, cosy, and cramped with crap.


Therefore I decided to document some of the shit I was throwing out of my life forever, and converted it into a blog that has little words, but more pictures. But you know what they say...


 'a picture is worth a thousand words'


and in some of these pictures, you will see why.


Prepare for totally embarrassing photos.

A little help here please.

Firstly, I tackled my 17 pairs of jeans. Why do I need that many, unless they are beautiful pairs of jeans? I can tell you now, only about 3 pairs are, so I tried them all on, and cleared a lot out. Mostly because they couldn't fit, but we won't go too much into that as I will start regretting my large helping of apple crumble earlier...

Hi! My name is Vicky, and
I've lost a stone!
(or not)

As you can see, there were some variations.... One pair that physically hurt to wear (above picture), I couldn't do them up to save my life. And another pair that made me look like I was a successful member of LighterLife or WeightWatchers or something. Out they went - even though I almost felt proud of losing loads of weight, even though they were once my mums, and never mine at all :(




I then stumbled upon these absolute gems. I genuinely know for a fact these hats have never left my room, let alone the house! Which is a good job really, or I wouldn't have any friends. But why do I still have them?! However, they came into some good use as they amused me for a few minutes -  I got to take photos of myself looking silly.

What is this hat for?! A chef
who requires a visor perhaps?

I saw myself as a train
conductor, and I was looking
for the train.
Don't ask.

No biggie. I have a hat that
has Cheestrings on it. Well,
I don't anymore.

The sort of hat you put on
babies that don't have a choice
of what they wear. Cringe!

Swimming pool volleyball anyone?

I can't even tell you about how excited I got when I found this - I started having a header contest with myself against my wall. Must remember this the next time I go abroad.... Or not. In the bin you go!

Now I know, if I ever fit into this again, I will be severely underweight and I will need medical attention. However, I'm keeping it for unknown reasons. 





BUT I managed to dig out the total babe who wore this dress - here is the fat, unhappy, ginger child at a wedding - the organ scared her too much and she had to be taken out crying, and comforted with a bag of grapes. Totes wasn't me....

I don't want grapes, I WANT CAKE.

Well it is safe to say that giving me a shift from 4am - 8.30am the day after Boxing Day ensured that I didn't love the Next sale, quite the bloody opposite actually. I will keep the t-shirt though, as it is as important as a trophy, as it showed I got up at 3am to go to work once.

Don't know what this is so I put it on my head.

I recommend every ginger should buy this book.
Life doesn't have to be hard.

And then lastly, the only thing that has kept me here today. I owe my life to this book, as it is true to its word, I have survived. Thank you ginger book.


I have to say I am sorry readers, I have been very lazy with my blog lately, not actually blogging about something that means something in the world; it is usually about my sorry excuse of a life and how strange I may be. However, I hope people who read this will get to know me a bit better.... maybe that is a bad thing. But hey, I promise next time children, I will write something far more intellectual. 


Possibly. 

Eat more fruit and veg.

That is my New Year's Resolution. Being at university has made me very lazy and always reaching for the pesto pasta (which by the way, is a life saver when hungover). I need to eat a bit healthier to be honest, if I've got to get in a leotard for trampolining this year then I need all the help I can get. Cannot get fat and get a bad name for gingers...well add to the fat/ugly stereotype. But to be quite honest, does anyone ever keep their resolutions? You get the classics - get fit, go to the gym, eat healthier, give up smoking. Genuinely wondering how long these people keep up the vague cliched resolutions. My Dad tried to give up smoking a few years back... he managed 4 days and that came to an abrupt end when we caught him having a cheeky fag, so he might not have ever stopped at all. 

So, how can I sum up 2011? 

Here are some of the memories in a few words and pictures...

I was in the middle of an incredibly boring gap year, hating life working in a shop that clearly didn't realise giving me a shift from 4am-8.30am on Boxing Day was against my Human Rights.

With the Student Show babes.

I started working at the communty radio station Inspiration FM. I gained so much experience in radio and it just made me realise how much I want to be sitting in a studio in the future preaching my superior knowledge to the nation. And I made some incredible friends when I worked there!

 

I won a few gala competitions in trampolining, fell off on a few too (absolute mare but it always happens to me). 

Winning the National Championships was obviously a bit of a high, though I'm sure I haven't told anyone about that achievement as of yet. So here are some pictures!

Beautiful bruise.

Peach

I also managed to do my ankle in after Nationals, and registered myself almost crippled for about 3 months. Therefore, I had to use crutches seriously for the first time - I used to love hopping around and trying to go up stairs or having races. They always seemed so much fun when you weren't the one who depended on them...

Hating life 2k11.

My beautiful best friend Kirstie Desborough had her baby girl Phoebe, who I adore! One of the biggest highlights of my year <3

I made a Twitter account. That might not seem worthy of a special mention but as I tweet about 20 times a day now, it is a big part of my life.  

Follow me bitches! @VictoriaPayne2

Oh HI!

Went on holiday with Alex to Gran Canaria... and got taken on a camel ride! So much fun, even if the one in front started weeing and the one behind kept growling at me (if that is how you describe the noises that camels make)

One day I'll be interviewing
Simon Cowell....

 

Presented Has Northamptonshire Got Talent which was so much fun! First stint as a presenter... LOVED IT!

Moved to the mighty city they call Leeds and attempted to grow up slightly for university - I don't think it has worked. Loving the friends I've made already, and am sure will love my course a bit more when we stop doing pointless modules. 

University of Leeds.

Broadcast Journalism. ♥

That is in fact a leek I am using
 as a walking stick.

Met a few (loosely termed) famous people - Jeff Stelling, Rachel Riley, Stavros Flatley, Les Gibson.

Gave up trampolining.... and then decided to start up again this year.

City of Leeds Trampolining Club - full of totes babe-a-roos.

Met some really special people :)

Had my 20th Birthday on the 17th of December... I'm in my twenties. Holy McMoley. This makes me very scared. I used to think 24 would be a good age to have kids, because I thought I would be grown up. 

Crazy animal antics.

NO NO NO NO NO NO to that suggestion now.

I don't even remember most of the year because of being a fresher at University - who knows what I was up to Jan/Feb this year (had to check my Facebook timeline for all of this blog, it has its uses). However I've had some fantastic highs, and a couple of minor lows this year in the grand scheme of things, but over all 2011 for me was a time for changing and developing into a better person (also into a BABE). 

I genuinely believe 2012 is going to be the best year yet 

and I wish everybody a very Happy New Year xxx

I'll leave you with a few fancy dress photos of 2011...

Barbie night - the ginger betrays the
clan and gets blonde hair.
Best night EVER.

Who's that OAP dancing to Party Rock Anthem?

YABADABADOOOOO

Ginny Weasley, though I fancy Ron a lot
so being her was a bit creepy.

I will eat you. Alive.

FBI for Lufbra!

Dress up as something beginning with B...
BAG

Farmer for Manchester.

Buddy the Elf.

My 20th Birthday ♥