Don't judge okay?

Terribly sorry to you all, many of you have reminded me I haven't blogged in a while. I know guys, and I'm very sorry for neglecting this area of creative literature... But I endeavour in future to be more dedicated to writing mindless nonsense more regularly.


On to today's topic. 


Things We Did As Children


Not everything will be applicable to all of you. Bearing in mind I have grown into this strange being, I'm sure much of this stemmed from my childhood and to be honest the more things you can tick off and think 'I SO DID THAT!' is probably a bad thing. I've already covered what we used to watch back in the 90s... But personally I think most of these were pretty common, apart from one at the end which to be honest is plain weird ...


(I will start relatively normal to not scare you all)

I know where you can stick that Neil...

1. Try and make things aired on Smart or Art Attack:
Did they not realise we were small, uncoordinated demons who found arts and crafts incredibly difficult? From what I remember, there always seemed to be papier mache involved, and the cardboard toilet roll things. This was always an inconvenience because obviously, you had to wait until people had used the tissue up first before you could start on your marvellous creation. Which always turned out shit anyway. Damn you Neil Buchanan.


2. Attended a birthday party at McDonalds:
But why did we ever do this? I know small child, lets go to that grimy fast food chain down the road and celebrate your birthday. Only now I realise how lazy parents were. However, I distinctly remember the birthday boy/ girl got to go to the ice cream machine and pull the lever and make their own ice cream. And they got to take 1 friend with them. Now this was always a tricky decision. Do you go for the safe option... a brother / sister or relative? Or do you single out one of your buddies and say 'YOU, you are the best of these people I gathered here today, I choose you!' Obviously what ever you did would cause tears from someone, but when you were that special, chosen one life could have not been better.


3. Top 5's:
If you didn't do this a youngster, you hadn't lived. Basically, you ordered you favourite 'crushes' from 1-5, and these changed from week to week when your top babe had said a nasty comment to you, or if they didn't chase after you in kiss chase, and went for your best mate instead. Always to be shared with friends.

Save some for me!

4. Eating pet food:
Now I do remember partaking in this activity; I followed my cat to its food bowl and copied his actions. I ate the smelly, jelly substance meant for my cat. And I know that others have also done this, so don't frown upon me dear reader.




5. Picking your nose:
Why did this ever seem appealing to us?! Bogies were usually green, slimey, and looked disgusting. It was probably the fact our parents always told us off for it, and that made us want to do it more. However if you were Bianca Chubb, you decided to multi-task and suck your thumb and pick your nose at the same time. Thats right, thumb in mouth, finger up nose. Classy girl.


6. The word 'IT':
I'll set the scene. Your in Year 2, and it is a group project of colouring in or something just as intellectually stimulating, and someone is being greedy with the crayon...
'Oiii, it's my turn to do it' 
'HAHAHA you want to do IT'.
I genuinely remember being in primary school and this being a huge issue among classmates; if the word 'it' was mentioned, it meant sex. What is sex? You didn't know back then. All you knew was that it was naughty and forbidden word, like 'idiot' and 'stupid' when you were 6 years old. 


7. Writing notes:
We thought we were so secretive passing those notes to each other. He he, the teacher will never know, she's old! But wait, she has seen, she is coming over... YOUR GOING TO READ IT OUT? NO!! It has my top 5 on it, and 5 of them are in here!!
Always traumatic.


And last, but definitely not least...


8. Pooing in weird places:
When your young, doing a poo isn't a big deal. Did we need a toilet to do a poo? No! Of course we didn't! Here are some real life examples...


Tori Burgess
Once I was with my Mum in a DIY store, and she managed to lose me. When she found me, I was trying squeeze one out in the display toilet.


Vicki Jefferson

Careful where you tread kids...

Once I was in WhizzKids at a party, and I was too scared to ask the man to go to the toilet with me. So I just did a poo in the ball pit. 
Me - What like, just pooed in the ball pit?
VJ - Nooo! I had those leggings on we used to wear! So yeah someone came over and asked if I had done a poo, and I said no, but I had, and they took my leggings right off, didn't even get the poo out, and bagged them up for my mum.


I remember once going on a waterslide, literally shitting myself, and emptying the poo out of costume into the landing pool. How horrific. I truly regret those actions now. 
I have also pooed in the bath, apparently numerous times, but I have been told that was relatively common amongst my friends when they were young.






Now, some of those may have been new to you. Or they might all be applicable to your childhood. But here's one thing I can safely say I didn't do, and I'm sure many of you didn't either...
Apart from the wondrous Vicki Jefferson:


Well when I was about 4 my brother was born, and I used to watch my Mum with him and I wanted to play Mummy. So I decided one day to try and breastfeed my brother. When I was trying to do it my Mum walked in and caught me and said 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!', and got really angry because he had already been fed, and he had started whinging because he thought he was going to be fed again. So my Mum had to feed him again and she wasn't happy with me.

One of those 'did I just hear you right?' moments.

Now that Vicki, is just something else.


If you think I've missed anything vital or you have anything to add, give me a comment. Don't be shy, there's nothing to hide any more, we're old enough to laugh about it now. And I want to know that I am not completely weird...